TANSTAAFL abbreviates something that I believe I learned early on in my childhood someplace — probably one of those sayings repeated by my parents now and then: There Ain’t No Such Thing As A Free Lunch.

At the time I certainly had not thought about that saying having a connection to drinking at a bar, but it seems to have its greatest application there. As I grew older I did discover that some bars managed to have free peanuts, crackers, cheese, and sometimes even fancier hors d’oeuvres. I do remember a bar that had a large (gallon?) bottle of dill pickles and then there was also a jar of beets with hard boiled eggs (now absorbed by the purple of the beets) and another jar of something I never tried: pigs feet.

Now maybe there was a charge for taking the eggs or the pigs feet, I don’t recall, but most of the rest of the stuff was of the free category.

The ulterior motive of the salty foods was, of course, to increase the thirst of the patrons so that they would enjoy a few more beers or whatever other concoction they were drinking. It is not clear when TANSTAAFL became popular, but it was certainly in wide use by the 1930s. Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936), the English author who won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1907, had written in 1891, “[I] came upon a bar-room of bad Salon pictures, in which men with hats on the backs of their heads were wolfing food from a counter. It was the institution of the “free lunch” I had struck. You paid for a drink and got as much as you wanted to eat. For something less than a rupee a day a man can feed himself sumptuously in San Francisco, even though he be a bankrupt. Remember this if ever you are stranded in these parts.” (Wikipedia)

jtr

How are we enticed into purchasing almost anything?

Television is certainly a big part of that. One of those advertisements that I have seen (and heard) many times involves a smiling fellow by the name of Joe Namath. His pitch is for a Medicare Advantage Plan and if you aren’t listening carefully, you might think you are getting something for nothing by subscribing to one of his plans The word “free” comes up in the spiel making it sound like it would not cost you anything when the main thing that is free is the telephone call that you can make to inquire about what is going on. It is then that a little bell should ring in your head saying, “there ain’t nothing that is really free,”

Now don’t get me wrong, possibly you are a person who could benefit from one of those plans, but I think that to benefit you might need to already be of very good health and not expecting any big change that might send you to some sort of medical specialist.

Investigate! Investigate!

jtr

One of my all-time favorite TV shows is Jeopardy and of course that means that I really enjoyed Alex Trebek. You may recall that for many years he has advertised the 9.95 plan — that is, $9.95 a month to buy an insurance policy that would help cover funeral costs that are currently estimated to be around $8,000 to $9,000.

Usually it is a discussion between a married couple discussing a friend who had recently died and was faced with a large funeral cost.

I have been intrigued by this ad in that they give an age limit that you need to do this before you are 85. Now, I am getting darn close to that 85, but I haven’t figured out whether I should wait until the day before I turn 85 before I subscribe to that 9.95 plan or can I wait until I am about ready to turn 86!

Furthermore, it is not clear whether the insurance policy is for one person or whether it is for the couple — so maybe they should be advertising it as 9.95X2 or 19.90.

The devil is in the details. I certainly would not expect to be able to get back $8,000 or $9,000 if I should die the day I turn 86 plus one day or would I — what do you think?

jtr

Celebrity endorsements such as the one by Alex Trebek probably make money for the celebrity, but I often wonder if the celebrity really subscribes to the particular plans that are endorsed. Another similar endorsement that has been touted by quite a few celebrities is that of the reverse mortgage. I think that the most recent celebrity to do that endorsement is Tom Selleck.

About seven or eight years ago, I wondered how I could use that when my wife and I were thinking of selling our home, so I actually went through a calculation. I found that the amount of cash that I could get was hardly enough to take care of some of the flaws of our older house and that I might be liable for spending even more than the money I would get just on some of the upkeep for the next year or so. Of course I said to myself: “Oh, Fiddlesticks! on that!!”

Until next time: Oh, Fiddlesticks!