The role that the words yes and no play in sexual relationships is rarely given much thought, unless it is part of a police case or court proceeding. The main word here is consent.

Situations involving non-consensual sex or sexual harassment should be a concern for everyone. Consent is actually a major part of any and all sexual interactions, no matter what the nature, status, or type of relationship that exists between two people.

Over time, sexual activity has become a recreational activity. In the past, it was more of a path to reproduction, but modern methods of birth control have contributed to this transformation.

The risk of an unwanted pregnancy has been diminished considerably. Little or no risk can lead to little or no inhibition or forethought.

Every stage of a sexual encounter requires partner consent. Both partners have to communicate their consent to move on to the next act, or to state that they do not want to take the next step. Each partner communicates the decision to move on, and both must accurately interpret their partner’s cues, both verbal and nonverbal.

A basic definition of consent is that a person has consented if he or she agrees to do something by their own choice, and is free and capable of making that choice. Another take on that definition is that consent is done voluntarily, unimpaired by drugs or alcohol, and that the person is consciously willing to do something or have something done.

Consent can take the form of direct verbal or nonverbal expression, or it can take the form of indirect verbal or nonverbal expression. Each partner has to accurately interpret how consent is being communicated. Research fortunately has determined that most people are pretty good at understanding this message. Most people can estimate the level of their partners’ desires pretty well.

At each stage, both partners need to evaluate the signs expressed by the other person before moving on to the next phase. Those signs communicate either consent to proceed or a lack of consent and to stop. Those signs can be either respected or ignored. Either chosen path has its own consequences…activation, or inhibition of sexual motivation.

Complicating the situation are things like token resistance and consent for unwanted sex.

Token resistance involves expressing non-consent when sexual interaction is actually wanted. This mixed message can be confusing to the partner. Consent for unwanted sex can result in the partner doing something more, or more often, because he or she has no reason to think that his or her partner is not okay with whatever the act happens to be.

Just for the record, if a man does not consent, about 32 percent of women will try to verbally get him to change his mind. If a woman does not consent, only about 12 percent of men will try to verbally get her to change her mind.

What is that about?

The thinking here is that men are just used to rejection, while women are not used to being rejected. It is more unusual for them to experience being turned down. Another take on men, however, is that about 15 percent of the violence that occurs when people are in a dating relationship reportedly involves rejection.

A satisfying intimate relationship is based on accurate communication of likes and dislikes, as well as accurate interpretation of the signs expressed by both partners. If either is not appropriately done, it is easy to mess up a good thing.

— Dr. Joseph Switras provides clinical psychological services at United Health District in Fairmont to people age 5 and up.