There was a time when you came into existence, and there is a time when you will exist no more. Like the saying goes, no one gets out of this life alive. Unfortunately, that includes the people we like and love.

Encounters with death are inescapable. The longer we live, the fewer people with whom we have been close. Some people would call that the cycle of life. When a person with whom we have been close dies, we enter a state of grief, mourning, and bereavement.

To really understand what grief is about, you have to remember how intimately interwoven your life is with the people around you. When someone dies, the death does not occur in a vacuum.

There will be at least some impact on all those who knew the person. The people most touched by the death are the family. The organization and the dynamics of the family are disrupted. There is a hole in each of their lives for which there is no substitute. Each family member will react in a way that parallels his or her unique personality and the type of relationship they had with the deceased.

One factor that can affect how a person reacts to and deals with the death is how much advanced warning there is. When the death is at the end of a prolonged illness or injury, the family has a window of opportunity for what psychologists call anticipatory mourning. During that time, family members can do some of the grief-work before the death occurs.

When the death actually occurs, the anticipatory grief-work/mourning can make the immediate impact less of a sting, and hopefully at least a little more tolerable.

Sudden death is a whole different experience. No preparation. The person is gone, no longer there, but he or she is still alive in our heart and mind. The sudden change conflicts with our expectations and how we thought life was going to be. The impact can be shattering, and the feelings overwhelming.

There was no way to see this coming. Sometimes crying is the only path to relief. Crying, and the thoughts that accompany the crying help to release at least some of the painful feelings that can be so overwhelming.

When we have lost someone close, we ultimately realize that all that is left are pictures and memories. These things enable us to hang on to that person and not let them fade away. They help to keep that person alive in our minds.

The visual and auditory memories help us remember who and how they were. Sometimes it is too easy to think only of their death and not remember their life. There is much more to a person than just their death.

What about all of the years of experiences that you were fortunate to have with him or her?

One very special resource that should get serious consideration both before and after a death is Hospice. There is nothing like Hospice and the people who are part of it. They are there for the person dying, and for the people who must watch them die.

The Hospice people are special people who make the anticipatory mourning tolerable, and they provide down-to-earth expectations for what is to come. Realistic expectations can help a person deal with a situation over which he or she has no control.

— Dr. Joseph Switras provides clinical psychological services at United Health District in Fairmont to people age 5 and up.