“Every child comes into the world bearing a message, that God is not yet disappointed with the human race.”

Unknown

This past Mother’s Day was the first without my mother. Her passing was certainly not unexpected, she was 97 and ready to go, but as helpless and dependent as she was at the end still I feel like the world is less safe without her.

And now that my children are of age and nearly of age to strike out on their own I worry about how prepared they are.

Having kids certainly has its ups and downs. There’s the times your child comes home crying because someone said something cruel to them and you know it’s going to be all right tomorrow but your heart breaks just the same.

And there’s times I want to cry when I remember the hurt I caused my mother.

But there’s the upside too, the stuff you didn’t realize before you had kids. Sacrifices you once thought tragic that now seem trivial. Joys you couldn’t have imagined.

Before I had kids I thought I’d want to get through the baby/toddler/grade school stuff and get to the age of reason where I could talk to them about important things.

Nope. Watching new minds form and grow, experiencing the world for the first time was fascinating and renewed my own sense of wonder. That stage is past now and I miss it.

On Mother’s Day I came across an article in The Femsplainers by Daneille Crittenden on her Substack account titled, “Why Are So Many Women Today Opting Out of Motherhood?”

Crittenden, a self-described veteran of the “Mommy Wars” of the 1990s, analyzes why young women are avoiding marriage and motherhood: career, finances, “Why raise a kid in this crummy world?” etc. She points out that in any list of pros and cons of parenthood, logically speaking the cons always win.

And then she contrasts with the actual experience of holding a living being, flesh of your flesh in your arms.

“…you discover a new type of love yourself, one you never knew you were capable of. It’s larger, more enriching, and more encompassing than anything you have ever known.”

Well I thought it expressed how I feel, so I posted it on my Facebook page.

Wow. The comments.

Comments by men were almost universally approving. And I mean men with as many as six to nine kids who said she expressed the joy of fatherhood as well.

Women were more divided. One spoke of “the soul-crushing emotional, physical, and financial burden” of kids, though I was under the impression she didn’t have any.

One young lady said she likes kids and would love being a mother, but if it doesn’t happen she is perfectly OK with that.

An older woman childless by choice, said it was nice to have a choice unlike her female ancestors.

Some said after being cool towards the idea of having kids discovered the joy of motherhood and felt fulfilled in ways they’d never even suspected possible.

One said how much she loved being a mother – but some women definitely shouldn’t be. Worse, you can’t really predict what kind you’re going to be before it’s a done deal.

Some said if they had to do it again, they wouldn’t.

How do you tell your kids that?

And one lovely young lady said the article and some of the comments were “vomit-inducing.”

What all this means for the future, I don’t know. But when you have kids your concern about the future doesn’t end when you do.

— Steve Browne is longtime reporter and contributor to the Marshall Independent