There is a movement in the Catholic Church to return to historic forms of worship. The revival of the Latin Mass has been at the center of that. Along with that has come criticism of practices that are lumped under “modernism.” A group of conservative Catholics has become known as the Rad Trads, short for Radical Traditionalists.

I am Catholic. Today though, I want to write about my other deeply held belief: baseball.

In the exquisite opening soliloquy to the movie Bull Durham, the character Annie Savoy deliberates on the Church of Baseball. “I’ve tried all the major religions and most of the minor ones,” says Annie. “And the church that truly feeds my soul, day-in day-out, is the Church of Baseball.” (Did you know there are 108 beads on the Rosary and 108 stitches on a baseball?)

I might properly be called a Rad Trad in the Church of Baseball. I am radical in my appreciation of its traditions. The game should only be messed with great care and respect for those.

This year, Major League Baseball has adapted a set of rule changes in an attempt to appeal to a younger demographic. I get that I am not in anyone’s definition of younger. But I’m not sure these will make the game better or attract the video game generation anyway.

I don’t deal well with change. Pam will vouch that. A few years ago, she moved the toaster across the kitchen. I’m still struggling with that.

Unlike most everything around it, baseball hasn’t changed a lot through the decades. It is part of its attraction, that generations played the same game on the same field by the same rules. You’re allowed to imagine Babe Ruth batting off Gerrit Cole.

In my lifetime as a baseball fan, the biggest changes heretofore have been the designated hitter and instant replay. I’m not a fan of either. Pitchers batted and umpires made calls since God created baseball “in the big inning.”

This year, there will be a clock in baseball. Fans have long boasted that ours is the game without a clock. So this is a big step. A pitch clock will count down between pitches, requiring the batter to be ready and the pitcher to throw in a designated time.

Players brought this on themselves as more and more of them have found ways to not bat and not pitch for longer times. Watching the batter adjust his gloves or the pitcher toss a rosin bag up and down are not that interesting. This change might be okay, as everyone agrees the games have gotten too long.

A type of shifting of infielders will be banned. This one I don’t agree with. Putting the fielders where certain batters hit the ball is just plain good strategy that shouldn’t be punished. And as hitters have been instructed forever, hit ’em where they ain’t. Watch film of Rod Carew if you want to see how that’s done.

The oddest rule change will be bigger bases.

Say what?

When I first heard of that, it struck me as strange, kind of clownish. But it might contribute to more action and less injuries, so we’ll give that one a chance.

Altogether, it’s a lot for a baseball Radical Traditionalist. I’m not saying baseball’s rules are sacred. But there are theologians who think they were first given to mankind when Moses made a second trek up Mount Sinai. That is not explicitly described in Genesis. You have to read between the lines.

It struck me that if you can mess with the rules of baseball that have seemingly been etched in stone, what other rules can we consider altering?

How about the laws of gravity? They’re due for some changes. Gravity’s even older than baseball. The other day when I fell in the yard carrying groceries, it would have been nice if I had a second or two more before I hit the ground. I could have had time to decide which limb was going to be sacrificed for the good of the body. I’m not saying we do away with gravity. It still is useful for things like playing cornhole. But if we just reduced Earth’s pull a little, it would help. Maybe fewer things would break.

What about rules of nutrition?

We could use a little flexibility there.

What if for the 2023 eating season, doughnuts would count as a vegetable?

We’re supposed to eat three or four servings of veggies a day. If one of those could be doughnuts, that would make it easier to go back to carrots or broccoli for the rest of the day.

Speaking of things that are rigid and could benefit from some loosening up, what about the seasons? If pitchers don’t have to bat, maybe winter doesn’t have to be so long. I’m proposing that we put a two-month limit to winter. And let’s ban 20-below temps. I think that would definitely appeal to a younger demographic. The older demographic would approve, too.

I’m starting to like this rule bending. Maybe I can convince Pam that some of the house rules that are old and stale could use some freshening up.

Do I really need to pick up my clothes?

Do I have to keep stuff off the table?

The Commissioner, aka Pam, should be open to changes.

What about traffic rules?

Maybe they could use some tweaking. Next time I get pulled over, I’ll point out to the officer that a lot of these laws have been around since the last century and don’t appeal to younger drivers. We’ll see how that works.

I thought I was handling all this well for a Rad Trad. Despite the modifications to the game, it’s still baseball. It’s still the pitch within the at bat within the inning within the game within the season that I enjoy so much. I thought I was doing well. Then I read about robot umpires. Excuse me, I’ve got to go lie down a while.

— Randy Krzmarzick farms on the home place west of Sleepy Eye, where he lives with his wife, Pam.