So often the topic or theme for this column comes from some newspaper, magazine, or book. Departing from that trend, today’s “Oh, Fiddlesticks!” column was inspired by that vast, often-empty entertainment venue: Television. And what do we find in abundance on television? Sports? Politics? Talk Shows? Crime Shows? Quiz Shows? Well… Yes, but over and above all of those at least on “free” TV: Advertisements.

Though I know I reacted to it the first time I saw it even though I can’t remember how long ago that was, I was immediately put on edge by what covered most of the screen, “MADE FOR WHO” I can’t really recall whether there was a question mark at the end, but that made no difference. The phrase just didn’t have the right sound when I said it over in my mind.

Had the writers never heard of Ernest Hemingway or to go back a lot further, John Donne? If either of those two men had heard or seen that phrase, they probably cringed a bit.

John Donne (1572-1631) is one of England’s great poets, possibly best known for his poem: “For Whom the Bell Tolls.” The poem is now in the public domain and I present the first two lines and the last five:

No Man is an island,

Entire of itself.

…

Each man’s death diminishes me.

For I am involved in mankind.

Therefore, send not to know

For whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for thee.

Almost 300 years later, Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961) used the, “For whom the bell tolls,” as the title of possibly his best work of fiction.

Somewhere in my education I seem to have learned the difference between who and whom. Briefly: “who”is a subjective pronounn (like he and she), whereas “whom” is an objective pronoun (like her and him) and that advertisement should have said, “for whom.”

jtr

Now before you readers say, “Oh, Fiddlesticks!” about grammar in general, that advertisement really puzzled me when I came to its end. The last two phrases they used to supposedly entice the audience to use their business were: 1) “What you’re made of.” 2) “We’re made for.”

Those two seemingly violate another of those old rules that was drummed into my head, namely that you should not end a sentence with a preposition. As expected of school kids, this was often cynically reworked to confounding brains: “Never use a preposition to end the sentence WITH.”

But wait! What is it that the advertisement thinks I am made of? As a cynic I think the answer is that they think I am made of money. And that settles the last phrase as they are made for taking my money.

jtr

So far I have resisted calling any of at least seven or eight, free, long-distance numbers to find out what benefits I am missing to get as part of my medicare insurance. They often say something like if you have Medicare and Medicaid you may qualify — is that like double-dipping?

They make it sound like I might get free hearing aids (which is no small amount) as well as some free transportation to medical appointments and even some free meals. Hey! What a deal!

Maybe I should be calling now instead of finishing off this column. One of the celebrities asking folks to call in for free information on the benefits is none other than former NY Jets Quarterback Joe Namath. Do you suppose he gets all of those benefits free?

If he does, maybe I would get them free as well.

One business that has been advertised over the years by testimonials and advice from celebrities is reverse mortgage. There are quite a few different companies that are in that business and the celebrities have included: Henry Winkler (Happy Days and other shows), Robert Wagner (It Takes a Thief), Jerry Orbach (Law & Order, Murder She Wrote), and most recently, Tom Selleck (Magnum P.I. and other shows).

I can’t remember which celebrity it was who as part of the spiel said that it was something from which his mother would benefit. Did that mean that he (the celebrity) wouldn’t be helping his mother?

About six or seven years ago, I did get to the point of seeing how much I could borrow by using the reverse mortgage. I discovered that I clearly did not own a property that would have allowed me more than a pittance and besides, I was ready to at least downsize a little bit.

I really wonder if any of those celebrities really would use the reverse mortgage for themselves. About 10 years ago there was an article in a news report that maybe Ed McMahon (Johnny Carson announcer) should use a reverse mortgage as it appeared he was to the point of having to unload his $60+ million dollar estate.

Now about that $9.95/month life insurance for those aged 50-85 to help pay funeral costs. Starting at 85 might not get you enough. If you opt for that, you had better start at a young age because to build up what you might need for a funeral is getting up toward $8,000 or more.

Until next time: Oh, Fiddlesticks!