Have you ever had the feeling that there are conspiracies aimed at you?

I have, but maybe I am a bit paranoid. I would like to report several that are somewhat related.

Six years ago I found that I could no longer purchase a new car that had a bench front seat. Chevrolet stopped making them in 2013. Now I always appreciated having a bench seat. When going out for the evening with two other couples, it meant that we could easily take just one car.

Yes, it could be a little snug with three people across, but back in the days before seat belts, we sometimes managed even more than three across. As a freshman in college I had pledged a fraternity where it was customary that the pledges had a revolt against the active upperclassmen.

Freshman men were not allowed to have cars, but one of the group of 10 other fellow pledges managed to borrow a 1950/1951 Studebaker. Some of you may remember that the Studebaker at that time had a wrap-around rear window and the front had what could have been a third headlight in the middle of the grill – looked like a torpedo there. Some people thought the car looked the same from the front as from the back. We took the silverware from the fraternity house and dumped it in the trunk of the car and all 11 of us climbed in: Four in the front, five in the back, and two sitting in the trunk on the silverware looking out the back window — having removed the shelf that separated the trunk from behind the back seat area. We drove about 125 miles roughly from Columbus, Ohio, to Cincinnati, Ohio, for the weekend. No missed classes!

That Studebacker reminded me of a lesser known car, the Tucker 48 which really did have a third headlight in the front that swiveled to face where the car might be turning.

The other advantage to the bench seat was important to young lovers (and some older ones too) — allowing the driver to drive with his left hand with his right arm around his girl. Clearly this was a hazardous practice, but again, this was before the law that now says it is illegal to drive even with a cell phone in hand.

The bench seat meant that the gear shift was part of the steering column, but moving the gear shift to the console allowing bucket seats was considered to be of greater comfort. The conspiracy there was that my right leg bumps against that console and prevents a bit of stretching even when the car is on cruise. Furthermore, I have at times had the driver side door frozen in the deep winter, but sometimes found the passenger door did not freeze as it was not splashed from the roadway on that side. Now I probably could climb over the console, by I’m not as limber as I once was.

The solution, of course, would be to have an SUV with more seating and possibly more space in general, though my 2015 Impala is certainly not a small car.

jtr

I pretty much decided to put up with both the awkward leg room and having seat belts for only five people. But then this year, the conspiracy continued when General Motors decided I could no longer get a new Impala. I have had other makes of cars from what was considered the big three (Chrysler, Ford, GM), but my first new car back in the early 1960s was an Impala and I went back to that again in the 2000s.

The car I had before I went back to the Impala was an Oldsmobile which I also loved. GM destroyed that make also. Oh, Fiddlesticks! Many other companies have also moved to SUVs or cross-over SUVs and the conspiracy seems that they want to get me into the even larger vehicles.

jtr

That brings me to about two weeks ago when I found another conspiracy. This time it was not a car company, but it is the U.S. Post Office. Now I am normally a great promoter of our mail services. I still write letters!

Though I am not a fan of texting and pretty much stay away from tweets and only occasionally use Facebook, I do email some news or short notes now and then. However, if I want to review more than a day’s worth of news or wish to explain something in depth, I write snail mail letters – at least three every week to our three kids and now and then to grandkids or other relatives and some old-time friends, often enclosing some other newspaper clippings, magazine clippings, snapshots, etc.

This post office “conspiracy” seems to be telling me what the car manufacturers seem to be telling me: Get a bigger car or one that has higher seats. I discovered this message when two Saturdays before last I went to mail my three letters by dropping them off at the mailboxes on the island on Third Street in Marshall by the post office. My habit is to write the letters on Saturday morning and want them to go out that day to get to their destinations early in the next week. The pickup time at those drive-by mailboxes is about 2 p.m. and the next pickup time is not until Monday.

So I drive up to the two new drive-by boxes that replaced two older ones that apparently rusted or whatever. I, of course, drive past the first mailbox if no car is in front of me to the second and last mailbox. (Sometimes in the past I have been behind someone who stops at the first mailbox, thus holding up the process.) I have the letters close by and put them in my left hand and reach out and up and up and up to get to the slot to drop them in. These new boxes are so high I can barely get to the opening without dropping my letters into the street. I am just under six feet tall and have decent arm length – what does anyone shorter or with shorter arms than mine do?

After that experience I talked with a friend who later tried mailing a letter at those boxes. He has an SUV and he had trouble reaching the slot as well.

Worse than that, I later found another friend who has a small pickup truck and he had the same problem. Apparently the message is get a full size pickup!!

Until next time: Oh, Fiddlesticks!