The number is stunning.

Kids spend an average of 44.5 hours a week in front of a computer, TV and video games, according to Dr. David Walsh.

Put it another way: That's more than an adult work week.

"It's the most significant lifestyle change in the last decade," said Teresa Kock, community impact coordinator with United Way of Southwest Minnesota in Marshall.

Walsh is founder and president of the National Institute on Media and the Family. He and his group worked with the video industry to implement a grading system for video and computer games. Last week, the group released the latest information on what video and computer games are good for the kids.

With all that time spent in front of a screen, children are exposed to more than 1 million "yes" messages a week, according to Walsh's Web site, www.sayyestono.org.

What that means, Kock said, is children are bombarded with messages for things and activities.

"They're hearing a lot more 'yes' messages than when we were younger," Kock said. "They're used to hearing it's easy, fast and fun. We live in real life and everything else is on a screen.

"Constantly hearing 'yes' undermines crucial character traits kids need: self-reliance, perseverance, integrity and the ability to delay gratification," she said. "Learning how and when to say 'no' will help them be successful at life."

Kock said when a parent is in a store and their child is throwing a tantrum because they want a toy they just saw, a lot of times the parent will give in and get the toy to silence the child. "But it's OK to say no," Kock said, and it may be more beneficial to the child.

Walsh conducted a study called "the marshmallow test" to determine youngsters' ability to delay their own gratification. He gave the kids a marshmallow and told them they could eat it now or they could wait for him to come back. If the marshmallow was still there when he came back, they would get a second marshmallow to eat. Some kids ate the first marshmallow, but some waited because they wanted that second marshmallow, too.

The study tracked the kids for 20 years, Kock said, and the ones who could delay gratification did better in life.

Dr. Walsh covers the marshmallow test and other aspects of his program "Say Yes to No" in his book "No: Why Kids - of All Ages - Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It."

Dr. Walsh isn't talking about deprivation, Kock said. He's not saying to throw out all the TVs and video games and never get them new toys.

"It's OK in moderation," Kock said, "but you have to learn to say no to yourself. They can't have everything and learning to say no to helps them grow into successful adults."

How can parents help their children develop the necessary personality traits? The United Way of Southwest Minnesota is helping sponsor a series of parenting tips and book discussions based on Walsh's book over the next few months, leading up to Walsh's open forum presentation at 7 p.m. Tuesday, March 24, at the Marshall High School Theater. He will deliver two other presentations: one each in the middle school and in the high school, which will be Web-linked to area schools so other students can hear the presentation without having to travel to Marshall.

The "Say Yes to No" book discussions are set in January, February and March.

Tiger TV is broadcasting "Say Yes to No" programming at 5 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. Mondays, 6:30 p.m. Wednesdays, and at 2 p.m. Saturdays and Sundays on Knology channel 80 and Charter channel 19. Other cities are trying to get the show on their local access channels, as well, Kock said.

The taped discussions will be available at the Marshall-Lyon County Library so one can catch up with any they missed, Kock said.

You can find Walsh's book at Bound to Read or the library. It's also available for reading in preparation for the book discussions, Kock said, but there will be a group leader to facilitate the talk. Even if you haven't read the book, you can still benefit from the discussion, Kock said.

Making big changes is scary, so Kock recommends starting slowly.

"One of the reasons why we're talking about this visit months ahead is there must be a conscious effort to try to change. It's easy to fall back on what you know," she said.

"It's not easy to say no to our kids," Kock added. "It's a kid's job to push the boundaries, but it's the parents' job to set the boundaries so the kids know what the rules are."