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Dobry zbavovani to Gabby

July 2, 2009 - Per Peterson
Another star disappeared from the Minnesota skyline this week when Wild winger Marian (Mary-ANN) Gaborik inked a five-year deal with the New York Rangers. Gaborik joins the likes of Kevin Garnett, David Ortiz, Johan Santana and Randy Moss and superstars who left the State of Corn (whoops, I guess it’s officially the State of Hockey now isn’t it?) to further their budding careers on the East Coast. Well East Coast, you can have this one. Gaborik is truly a dynamic player and goal scorer — ALERT, here comes the kicker: when he’s healthy. “When he’s healthy” is like saying “I did not KNOWINGLY inject an illegal substance into my body, as pro baseball players are wont to say. It’s the same with Gaborik and his “lower body injuries.” What drives Gaborik and makes him the player he is, is his speed. He’s a good puck handler, too, but doesn’t like to play in traffic. That’s where his speed comes in handy. He can simply outskate the dangers that come with playing in a crowd with the bullies — when he’s healthy. When he’s on a breakaway, it’s like he’s skating downhill while others are stuck in slush — when he’s healthy. Gaborik is also made of glass — and not that thick, insulated, glass either. He’s a wet tissue that dissolves before your eyes at the bottom of a glass of water. So thank you Rangers for taking this whiny weenie off our hands. I hope you appreciate what he does for you on the ice. You better right away, because 25 games into the season, New York Rangers fans will all learn the true meaning of the phrase “lower body injury.”

 
 

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