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‘Break the silence’

Corner Vigil organizer hopes it's a step toward making a difference

Photos by Jenny Kirk Executive Directors (from left) Becci TenBensel (Women’s Rural Advocacy Program) and Carrie Buddy (New Horizon’s Crisis Center) lead a walk through downtown Marshall as part of a recent “Stand with Survivors” and “Move Forward with Survivors” effort.

MARSHALL — Individuals attending a recent Corner Vigil said the time has come to “break the silence” regarding sexual assault and domestic violence. And while countless victims may still be too afraid to come forward or even talk about their experiences, they want the survivors to know that they stand with them and are willing to move forward with them.

“We want to give survivors their voice back,” said Holly Johnson, who works for New Horizon’s Crisis Center. “Sometimes survivors don’t want to speak out and that’s OK. But we’re here to speak out for them.”

About 25 people gathered for the Stand with Survivors/Move Forward with Survivors vigil, including other New Horizon’s Crisis Center (NHCC) representatives Julie Walker, Carrie Buddy and Kendra Wies.

“We know that 1 in 6 women and 1 in 10 men in their lifetimes will be sexually assaulted,” Walker said. “But even one person is too many. We know in terms of domestic violence, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men are impacted. We deserve better. Our brothers, our sisters, our children — everyone — deserves better than that.”

Walker is a communications professor at Southwest Minnesota State University and also works part-time on campus for NHCC. She hopes the vigil is one step toward making a difference in the community.

“It’s about showing people, even those who feel like they can’t come forward — the 4 out of 5 sexual assault victims who don’t or can’t come forward and report — that we believe them and stand with them,” she said.

“There’s been movement and we want to keep moving forward with people because no one should have to stand alone or feel like they’re alone in this.”

Walker organized the vigil to also be symbolic of the movement that’s happening right now across the country.

“It’s about making sure we’re continuing to move forward and our pledge to move forward to try and make this a more just world,” she said. “We can’t continue allowing rape culture and the culture of violence to (define) the United States. So as a part of what we’re doing is taking a walk downtown. We’re not just going to stand still and allow violence to keep happening.”

Buddy, executive director at NHCC, said ending sexual violence is the community’s responsibility.

“Yes, it takes advocates, law enforcement, prosecutors, probation and correction agents, medical personnel and so on, but our primary role is as responders,” Buddy said. “To end sexual violence, it takes parents, children, educators, businesses, schools, community members, bystanders and community service providers. It takes a village.”

Buddy suggested everyone read the cultivating change information from Minnesota Coalition Against Sexual Assault found at: https://www.mn casa.org/wp-content/up loads/2018/08/Ten-Simple-Prevention-Steps.pdf.

“The importance of a vigil like this is to bring awareness to the public that sexual violence is a problem occurring in every community in Minnesota — including ours,” Buddy said.

“It’s also to help local citizens become aware that we can’t end sexual violence without their help. Sexual violence stems from unhealthy gender norms and historical societal beliefs rooted in oppression that are still engrained in our current day lives.”

Buddy shared that change isn’t likely to happen without education and action.

“We can’t stop it without educating those in our communities about the root causes of violence and how they need to take a proactive stance against the beliefs and behaviors that still condone and excuse crime and victimization,” she said. “As a community, we can start to end violence by simply taking small steps in the right direction.”

A handful of children accompanied their parents to the vigil. Johnson’s young daughter, Brooklyn, held up a sign for a short time, as did Wies’ daughter, Brielle.

“It was a joy being in attendance and supporting the cause with my children,” Wies said. “At one point, Brielle was holding a sign that read ‘#MeToo’ — which she asked what that meant. This was an opportunity for me to continue family discussions and conversations about body safety and the meaning of consent. I was also able to explain to her how some people have had their bodies hurt by other people without them being able to control a situation.”

Wies said she valued the teachable moment to engage in age-appropriate conversation about “the importance of consent and to never keep touching or abuse a secret.”

“It’s also important to tell a trusted adult,” she said. “My passion within my line of work at NHCC, is working in prevention with children. It was truly an honor to be a part of this event.”

Several members of Marshall Area Peace Seekers (MAPS), including Kathy Jones, were also present to support survivors.

“I think there are so many reasons why women don’t come forward,” Jones said. “People don’t come forward because they fear they won’t be believed or they’re shamed. It also happens because people say it’s your fault. And just because a woman doesn’t come forward doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.”

Sexual violence has been a hot topic in news across the country this past month during Brett Kavanaugh’s Supreme Court nomination process. Men and women of all ages began sharing their own stories of assault after psychology professor Christine Blasey Ford came forward and testified under oath that she believed with 100-percent certainty that Kavanaugh sexually assaulted her while they were both in their teens.

Not surprisingly, opinions regarding the merit of the accusations seemed to be divided along political lines. The president of the United States defended his nominee.

“I keep thinking about people worrying about being accused and being considered guilty until proven innocent, but I feel like a woman is accused of lying (about sexual assault) until she’s proven it’s true,” Jones said. “And how can you prove it’s true when only two people are there?”

Becci TenBensel, executive director for Women’s Rural Advocacy Programs (WRAP), said the vigil is about raising awareness about what victims of violence experience and to raise the reality that it’s not easy to come forward and to speak out when a person has been a victim.

“That’s never easy because it affects their lives in so many different ways” TenBensel said.

“It can affect their job. It can affect where they live. It can affect relationships, whether it be with family, friends or co-workers. Coming forward is never easy. So when they’re not believed or when their story is downplayed or not acknowledged, it just pushed them farther back.”

TenBensel shared that domestic violence and sexual assault are oftentimes intertwined.

“That’s why it’s so important that community programs, such as New Horizon’s and Women’s Rural Advocacy Programs have good working relationships because we need to be able to work together as sister programs so that we can help people the best we can,” she said.

Johnson noted that when it comes to victimization, those who work with survivors know that there are no boundaries — violence can happen to anyone regardless of age, race, identity or background. Victims can also be married, in relationships or single. It also happens in both large and small communities.

“Rarely do you see news articles with sexual assault highlighted,” Johnson said. “We see a lot of people who choose not to report and that’s OK. We want to make sure they have the choice — and that it is their choice.”

Buddy said it is a big concern that society treats sexual and domestic violence very differently than other crimes. The commonplace response is to question the credibility and actions of the victims rather than the perpetrator, she said, adding that only 2-8 percent of rapes are false reports.

“Instead, we should respond to victims of sexual and domestic violence the way that we respond to all other crimes — by believing and validating all victims’ experiences,” she said.

Buddy said it’s well-known that sexual violence “thrives in silence.” Southwest Minnesota State University students Paisley Godfrey and Lauren Kreyer were among those at the vigil who appreciated hearing horns honk as they passed by.

“Every time someone stops and looks, they see someone standing up for others and maybe it’ll encourage them to do the same,” Godfrey said. “It puts the thoughts in their heads and gets them thinking. I think we all need to stand strong together and we just need to be here for each other.”

Godfrey made a poster and encouraged her roommate to come with to the vigil.

“I think it’s a really good cause because I do know people who have gone through something as awful as this and I think it’s good that we show we’re proud to stand with them and be supportive,” Kreyer said.

Walker reminded people that rape isn’t about sex.

“It’s about power,” she said. “It’s always about power over someone.”

Walker added that it is never the victim’s fault. And in order to make positive strides, victim-blaming has to end.

“The only person who is at fault for a sexual assault or domestic violence is the person who has done the violence,” Walker said. “But that’s not what we’re taught or what we see. That’s not the stories that we see. And when that’s the pervasive understanding, when that’s the culture, it’s really disempowering to people who have been the victims of a crime.”

Despite the multi-faceted challenges ahead, Walker was optimistic that positive change can happen.

“There is a long way to go, but we can do it together,” she said.

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